Patty Scanlon
(1960 – 2011)

 

 

"I tried to teach my child with books,
he gave me only puzzled looks.
"I tried to teach my child with words,
they passed him by unheard.
"In despair I turned aside,
'How will I teach my child?',
I cried.
"Into my hand he put the key,
'Come' he said, 'and play with me!' "
-Author unknown


Information for Parents

Childhood is a journey, not a race.

  To My Child
  Ideas for Play
  Does my child need therapy?
  Why choose a Play Therapist?
  What to tell your child?
  Parent Resources

 

To My Child...

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.

Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.

Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.

Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.

Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day

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Ideas for Play

Parenting is an exercise in educating and disciplining your child, but perhaps the single most important thing you can do for your child and your relationship with your child is to spend thirty minutes a day in play, allowing your child to take the lead. Play improves your child’s cognitive, social, emotional and motor skills.

Here are some tips:

  • Allow your child to choose the play activity
  • Get down on the floor at your child’s level
  • Make eye contact with your child as you play along
  • Have a relaxed and engaged facial expression
  • Do not allow interruptions
  • Follow your child’s lead in his or her imaginary play
  • Don’t worry about educating your child during this time
  • Focus on the process of playing together rather than the outcome
  • Have fun!!!

Examples of play activities:

  1. Make up a song together
  2. Tell a story together about some imaginary event
  3. Put on capes and masks and become characters in an adventure together
  4. Dig in the sand together
  5. Draw together, scribble on the same page together
  6. Cook together
  7. Play a board game by your child’s rules together
  8. Plant flowers together
  9. Play in the snow together
  10. Wonder together

The key ingredient in all of the above is together! See also Links page.

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Does my child need therapy?

If you have concerns about your child, the first step you should take is to consult with a child therapist. The purpose of this initial consultation is to determine whether your child's difficulties require therapeutic intervention, or are part of a normal developmental stage.

Some factors that could be considered during the consultation are:

  • How long has the problem persisted?
  • How serious is the problem?
  • Is the problem interfering with family life?
  • Is the problem interfering with academic performance?
  • Is the problem unusual for the child's developmental stage?
  • Have attempts been made in the past to help the child overcome the problem? Did the child respond well but then return to the behavior, or was the attempt unsuccessful?
  • Is there only one problem or is your child's behavior a symptom of other issues, which may not be immediately obvious?

Children might communicate their problems directly by acting out in anger, hitting or crying. Or they may communicate more indirectly, by becoming quiet and withdrawn. Either of these however, may indicate a problem. If you have concerns, your first step is to seek the advice of a child therapist.

– Adapted from A Child's First Book About Play Therapy
(Nemiroff & Annunziata, 1990, Washington, DC: APA).

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Why Choose a Play Therapist?

Play therapists are trained in the art of play and play therapy. Through this training, play therapists are able to understand a child’s play communication, developmental level and any issues or themes in the child’s play.

Play therapists are trained to communicate with children through their language of play. While some therapists may use toys and play to assist the child’s verbal communication, play therapists generally do not use play simply to help the child verbalize their feelings. Play therapists use play itself as the vehicle for the child’s healing.

Play therapy can be play with toys, sandplay, art, or other types of dramatic play. Families join in playing to assist with family issues. Play and play therapy is for all ages!

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What to tell your child about Play Therapy

To prepare your child for their first visit, a day or two in advance, parents should:

  • define the issue your child is struggling with and express your concern;
  • state that sometimes parents can help, but sometimes children need extra help;
  • tell your child that you have met with someone who helps children with worries like this;
  • tell your child that you are bringing him or her to visit this person and when;
  • answer any questions the child may have as appropriately and honestly as possible.

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Parent Resources

Roll your mouse over any of the links to see some information from Amazon about the book. Click the links to go to Amazon.com to purchase the book. See also Links page.

General Parenting:

Adderholdt, M. & J. Goldberg. (1999) Perfectionism: What's Bad About Being Too Good. Minneapolis: Free Spirit.

Bettner, B. & A. Lew. (1996) Raising Kids Who Can. Newton Centre, MA: Connexions Press.

Burnett, G. & K. Jarvis. (2004) Parents First: Parents and Children Learning Together. Williston, VT: Crown House.

Chapman, G. (2000) The Five Love Languages of Teenagers. Chicago: Northfield.

Chapman, G. & R. Campbell. (1997) The Five Love Languages of Children. Chicago: Northfield.

Clarke, J. & C. Dawson. (1998) Growing Up Again - Second Edition: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children. Center City, MN: Hazelden.

Cline, F. & J. Fay. (1990) Parenting With Love And Logic. Colorado Springs: Pinon.

Elkind, D. (2007) The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon (3rd edition) Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press.

Elkind, D. (2007) The Power of Play: Learning What Comes Naturally Cambridge, MA: Da Capo Press.

Ginsberg, B. (2002) 50 Wonderful Ways to Be a Single-Parent Family. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger.

Greene, R. (2001) The Explosive Child. NY: HarperCollins.

Greenspan, T. (2002) Freeing Our Families from Perfectionism. Minneapolis: Free Spirit.

Kurcinka, M. (1998) Raising Your Spirited Child. NY: HarperCollins

Rosenfeld, A. & N. Wise. (2000) The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap. NY: St. Martin’s Griffin.

Siegel, D. & M. Hartzell. (2003) Parenting From the Inside Out. NY: Tarcher/Putnam.

Siegel, D. (1999) The Developing Mind. NY: Guilford.


Abuse and Trauma:

Forbes, H. & B. Post. (2006) Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children With Severe Behaviors Orlando: Beyond Consequences Institute.

Brohl, K & J. Case Potter (2004) When Your Child Has Been Molested: A Parents Guide to Healing and Recovery San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.

Perry, B. & M. Szalavitz. (2006) The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook--What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love, and Healing NY: Basic Books.

Siegel, D. & M. Hartzell. (2003) Parenting From the Inside Out. NY: Tarcher/Putnam.


Divorce/Stepfamilies:

Ricci, I. (1997) Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child. NY: Fireside.

Stahl, P. (2000) Parenting After Divorce: Resolving Conflicts and Meeting Your Children's Needs. Atascadero, CA: Impact Publishers.

Thomas, S. (2005) Two Happy Homes: A Working Guide for Parents & Stepparents After Divorce and Remarriage. Longmont, CA: Springboard Publications.

Visher, E. & J. Visher. (1991) How To Win As A Stepfamily. NY: Routledge.

Wallerstein, J. & S. Blakeslee. (2003) What About the Kids?: Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce. NY: Hyperion.

Wolf, A. (1998) Why Did You Have to Get a Divorce? And When Can I Get a Hamster? NY: Noonday.

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